Today is September 23, 2008. I had a Dr's appointment in Albuquerque yesterday, September 22nd. We were all feeling a bit nervous, but kind of on our high horses at the same time. We went in, and proceeded with the ultrasound. The doctor didn't say anything for what seemed like an hour, but it was probably only about 3 minutes. He then said, "I'm not seeing the heartbeat", no one said a word, he kicked us off our horses. He kept trying, turning, moving, pushing, and we could all see the little bean, but, no flicker. He said, it was measuring just a tad larger than it was 2 weeks ago, at the confirmed heartbeat appoinment.

Everyone was walked into the conference room, while I got myself dressed. I walked in there, and C was crying so hard, I had to look away. As bad as it may sound, I almost wish that she would have held it in. I feel really bad. I feel like I hurt her. I feel like its my fault that she doesn't get that brand new bundle of joy, that she was already in love with, she said.

I know, I didn't hurt her. I know its not my fault. But, its just the way I feel. I know there was nothing more I could have done. I did everything I was supposed to do. Took all the medication, went to all the appointments, didn't do anything stupid, like drink or smoke, or anything else your not supposed to do while pregnant. Didnt even have intercourse but one or two times, and it was prob. a month ago!

Anyways, I am staying on all of my medication which include; Progesterone in Oil shot (2cc) once a day, Prometrium (2oomg) 2x a day (newly added, since last week. my progesterone levels were 23 when they like to see a 30 or more), Vivelle dot (patches)4 every other day (that are giving me a rash like no other!), low dose aspirin, and prenatal pills. I stay on the medication until October 1st.

October 1st is when my D&C has been scheduled. Its at 11:15am. I am to be there 2 hours in advance, and wont be released until about 3-4pm. We will be staying in a hotel room that evening. The cramping and bleeding can be pretty bad, I hear.

D&C:
Dialation and curettage is commonly performed following miscarriage or abortion in cases where the uterus fails to fully empty its content. The D stands for dilation, which means enlarging. Curettage (the C) means scraping. Together, this procedure involves expanding or enlarging the entrance of a woman's uterus so that a thin, sharp instrument can scrape or suction away the lining of the uterus and take tissue samples. Today, the procedure is routine and considered safe. It is minor surgery performed in a hospital or ambulatory surgery center or clinic.